I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
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