from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
