if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
