im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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