i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
