I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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