she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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