My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
