oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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