I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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