I feel great
I just peed on a car
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
