I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
