Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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