dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize