I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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