you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
