best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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