I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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