Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I smell like Dick and happiness
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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