If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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