You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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