Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
