My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
