Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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