Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
