She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
