Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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