i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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