is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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