Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
