just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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