she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
