I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
