happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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