the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
