hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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