I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
