NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
