this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
