i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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