I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
