Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
