I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
