What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just found a bag of teeth...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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