I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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