I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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