So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
