Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
