i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
