a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I will be naked everywhere
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
