Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
