matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
