i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
