Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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