I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I didn't notice because vodka
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
