Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
