I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
