i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
