Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
