we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
