Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
