How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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