Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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