The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
