I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
