Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
