when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
