why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
