I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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