Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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