I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
