Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
