we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The air was thick with penises
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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