Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
